CHAPTER ONE : The Parents.

Drug addict Joseph Goh is at it again. Since his teenage years, he had been going in and out of prison regularly. It was like a monthly ritual for him. His girlfriend, Katherine got to know him through her brother in Saint Patrick’s Secondary school. Joseph was her brother’s nemesis and she was not allowed to hang out with him. However, being a rebellious teenager did her more harm than she could imagine.

1979-Saint Patrick’s Secondary school was organising a charity drive for the students with financial difficulties. Katherine sneaked out of her house to meet up with her secret lover, Joseph.  Her brother, Douglaz was kept in the dark. They had a fabulous time at the carnival and became inseparable from than on. They were what people would call the “Ah Lians” and “Ah Bengs” from those times. Katherine was fiddling with drugs, cigarettes and booze since she was 11 years old. Joseph on the other hand, was hooked up on drugs. He could live without food but never without drugs. Heroin, cocaine, marijuana… You name it, he had tried them all. After she got acquainted with Joseph, she lost all interest in her studies and told her father that she wanted to quit schooling and get a job. During those times, the “females” were considered useless as they were going to be married off some day leaving their families to live with their husband. Thus, spending so much money on their education was deemed futile.

Having a drug addict boyfriend was a nightmare for Katherine. She had to wait for his release whenever he was arrested and held in prison. Her family members advised her time and again to end her relationship with Joseph but she was ignorant of their pleas. Joseph’s second release from prison became a wake-up call for Katherine. She begged Joseph to quit taking drugs and planned a future with him. He agreed without hesitation and even told Katherine that he wanted to have a baby with her.

1989- At age 20, Katherine was pregnant with a lovely little girl. She held in her mind wonderful dreams of having a happy and warm family with Joseph. Thinking that Joseph had turned over a new leaf, Katherine did not feel insecure even though Joseph had not proposed to her since she was pregnant with his child. She knew that Joseph was poor and could not afford to give her a proper wedding.

On a misty Sunday, Joseph was intending to head out to buy lunch for Katherine and her family. He took the keys and left the small apartment located at Eunos Crescent, Block 11. Katherine was getting the laundry done when she discovered an unexpected shock. This sudden incident changed her mindset about having a warm and blissful family with Joseph- in just a split second. As she was emptying his jean's pockets, out fell a small packet of powder. It was white in colour, but Katherine prayed silently that it was just some talcum powder. She was startled and hoped that it was not what she thought it was. She opened the packet and smelled the powder. Yes, it was heroin.

Rejecting a sob and the immense urge to scream, she wanted to rush downstairs to demand an explanation from Joseph. Before the confrontation could happen, she opened the wooden door of her house, and was surprised by the 3 person standing right in front of her. There in the middle was her boyfriend of 8 years, hands behind his back, together with two plain-clothed policemen. His face was stricken with guilt and he dared not look into Katherine’s eyes. They confiscated his identification card and he was once again put behind bars for possession of drugs. It was the last straw for Katherine. She finally gave up hopes of Joseph being her Mr Right.

This time, Katherine was devastated. She stared at her parents as they looked at her with eyes that tried to expel sympathy for her and fell to the floor with a devastating wail, crying her lungs out as she confessed that she would never ever forgive him anymore. It was a terrible ordeal for her and she had to stop wishing for a fairy tale ending.

Months passed, Katherine received several letters from Joseph begging for her forgiveness and asking her how was their baby. He drew pictures of how their lovely baby girl would look like with his artistic talents, trying to prove that he was never going to repeat those mistakes ever again. He drew pictures of a happy family, hand in hand- enjoying a beach outing together. Katherine was touched beyond words but she knew better than to be sucked into the cycle of a meaningless life once again. She wanted to work hard for her baby and she did not want her baby girl to know that she has a father who is a compulsive drug addict. She wrote back to Joseph only once to inform him that she no longer wanted anything more to do with him. She still loved him as much as she used to from the day they were together but she had to end this relationship with him for better days ahead. She could no longer afford to wait for him as he goes in and out of prison.

After his release after six months, Joseph went to look for Katherine and tried ways to appease her. Katherine was reluctant to give him any more chances and soon, they had a heated argument. Joseph proclaimed that he would fight for the custody of his daughter but Katherine was not bothered.

She told him very directly “You are not fit to be my daughter’s father. She deserves better. And so do I!”

With that, they parted unhappily and both of them were filled with the animosity and brokenness.

12^th October 1990- A cute little baby girl was given birth out of wedlock. Her skin was fair; she had her father’s eyes and her mother’s smile. Katherine named this little girl, Joleene. Joleene- a simple name yet behind this name, the story that goes with her is enthralling and unexpected. I am Joleene and this is the story of my life.