Home,

..........what it means to you may not be what it means to others.

White hair and balding, Mr. Lee was walking around Toa Payoh central looking lost and as if he was under a lot of pressure. It was obvious that he had not been sleeping well as his eye bags looked like they could hold water in them. He was so frail and skinny that he could easily fall down if someone gave him a light jab on his arms.

Brushing the few white hair that was left on his head, he looked around mysteriously, as if planning out something very difficult.

“AH-CHOOOOOOOOO!” he sneezed, without covering his mouth. It was as if he had sneezed on purpose and that he wanted people to look at him. The sneeze was forced.

Strategically, he kept sneezing and coughing as he walked to the bus interchange. He stopped when he came upon “Breadspeak”, a famous bakery in Singapore. By now, many passer-bys were staring at him because of his incessant coughing and sneezing. He then pushed his way through into the bakery even though it was not very crowded at the point of time, at 3pm in the afternoon. His every move was done on purpose.

Many people started to get annoyed and frustrated but none of them scolded him, maybe because they can see that he was really very old. By now, everyone’s attention was on him.

He went to the donut section and started to pack the donuts into a plastic carrier, which he had taken out from his pocket. Some people gasped and some just widened their eyes, watching him complete his “task”.

He was however, unfazed by all the attention. Once the plastic carrier was full, he slung the carrier onto his arms and proceeded to walk out of the shop.

“Excuse me! Excuse me Uncle!”  The cashier shouted over, “You haven’t pay money leh!”She continued as she brushed her way through the crowd that had gathered around the shop.

She had to run towards the uncle and stop him very quickly as he looked like he was about to dash away.

“Uncle ah, you haven’t paid. How can you leave just like that? “She asked, puzzled.

The old man stared at her, emotionless. “I no money.” He replied.

She told the old man to return the donuts to their respective places since he did not have enough money to pay but he refused to budge. He stood rooted there, without moving or talking. Some passer-bys wanted to give him money to pay for the donuts but he shoved them away. Many tried talking to him but he just stood there, as if he was a statue.

The cashier was helpless and she seemed rather astounded at the situation and seeing that she was about to burst into tears, the old man said: “Call police lah.”

She was left with no choice but to call the police as the situation was getting out of hand as the crowd circled around him as if he was a clown performing and basking outside the bakery.

10 minutes passed and the authorities arrived, astounded also at the sight of the crowd and the old man.

The male police officer started talking to the old man: “Uncle, I heard from the cashier that you took the donuts from the bakery but didn’t want to pay for it. That is wrong, Uncle. It would be stealing if you don’t pay for it.”

The old man looked at the police officer for a split second and broke into a smile. 

“Please arrest me,” he said. “Please!”

The police was dumbfounded. Why was Uncle Lee so happy to be caught?

“Please…” Uncle Lee pleaded with the police, almost going down on his knees to beg them.

Without giving in, the police continued to question and the old man gave in, throwing the bread on the floor and falling to his knees.

“My wife passed away due to cancer last week. My 2 kids, one of them died three months ago in a car accident, the other one committed suicide last year due to a break up. I have no kin, zero. I have no one to turn to. I have nowhere to live, my house was confiscated by HDB* last week and I am here at Toa Payoh to go to HDB Hub to beg them but no, I was not allowed my flat back. I am saddled with debts, amounting to about 10k. I borrowed from many people for my wife’s hospital stay and treatment. In my pocket, I am left with just a one-dollar coin. I have nothing else now. Please just shoot me with your pistol or put me into jail, please charge me with theft. All I want is a home now. I want to call the prison my home where my three meals are taken care of and I have a roof over my head. Give me my home.”

_________________________ THE END________________

*HDB = Housing and Development Board   

HAPPINESS.

Firstly, thank you to all of you who keeps track of updates for Jolene's Story!

It's hard to update this space and also keep ( My Personal Blog ) lively.
I have 3 facebook account - 1 for @Jolene Snow, 1 for @Jolene Story and 1 for @Oopz (my online shop).
I also have 3 twitter handles all like the above respectively.

Thankfully, my online shop is based via a Facebook page so I don't have to handle a blog just for it.

I am leading a triple life here. OVERWHELMING!

Anyway, what I would like to update you guys on is that YES!

JOLENE'S STORY IS FINALLY LAUNCHED in all major bookstores!

I cannot believe it myself! I was told that the books may reach bookstores islandwide on the second week of November so when my Mum called me on the 2nd of November, I was hysterical with excitement!

She took a photo of my book, on the shelves in Tampines Mall's Popular bookstore and I cannot help but to tear with happiness =)

Some of you dear ones went to Popular straight after seeing my FB update, bought the book and read it in a day.

My whole 22 years of age, scrutinized by you all in a day... Say less than 5 hours? You all must be honored.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the kind support!!

I just want you all to know that I actually screenshot every single photo that you all sent me, informing me that you all have bought the book and all. Even if you all did not tag me in the photo or on instagram, I will screenshot the photo as this are one of the best memories that I can ever have.

I have been emotional with gratitude upon all your love and kind words!

AND HELL YEAH! I have achieved my dream!

I have always wanted to be an author ever since I picked up my first book! So now, I would get started on my second book and on the sidelines, go for more castings and auditions to try my luck on being an actress? Or would I do better as a blogger?

It would be good if you all can let me know your reviews after reading my story, I appreciate all feedback whether it is negative or positive =)

In case you missed it, here is my interview with Poached Mag. Click on the below links to read on :

(1) Interview with Poached Mag
(2 ) Hear it from the Publisher

In the meantime, I am getting myself prepared for attending Singapore Writer's Festival this Saturday! I am so nervous and honored at the same time to be attending a renowned event like this. Do drop by if you are free!

In the meantime, stay dry! (It's been raining a lot lately!)

Xoxo!

First Interview/Photoshoot with The Straits Time/ Life!

I am finally updating a blogpost under Jolene's Story! As most of you may have known, I did an interview with The Straits Time about my soon-to-be published book. I am so grateful to the very nice journalist, Adeline Chia for her write-up on my story. 

Took a screenshot of the below preview from Adeline Chia's facebook page. You may find her facebook page here : Adeline Chia's FB Page

The article was released on the 28th of August 2012, Tuesday. 2 days ago! :)

Received the first message from Gordon, a very good friend. And he was the first person who sent me a snapshot of my article! Next was from Nixon, telling me that my picture was the biggest! The whole day, well-wishes and heartfelt congratulation messages kept pouring in, making me super emotional the whole day. I was filled with so much love and gratitude that words could not apprehend my feelings that day. Thank you to all those that posted on my facebook/texted me/whatsapped me/sent me snapshots of the article/tweeted and called me. Biggest love to all of you! I appreciate that you all went to buy a copy of The Straits Time just for me. I cannot name all of you all to thank you all here but please know that I am very thankful to every individual who wished me the best!

From Hougang Secondary's teachers :)

 From work associates and ex-classmates...

 From people that I know from all walks of life :)

All your encouragement and love made this possible! I am not able to put up the article here as there may be infringement rights but if you missed out on the article on Tuesday, send me a message and let me know!


Let me end this post with something for you to think about throughout the day.

Follow @JoleneStory on twitter for more updated news on my book! 

Add Jolene Story on facebook as well.

Xoxo.

And so...

Now we know who the writer of "Estranged Beings" is....

New title, new beginning, a new start.

Be patient for more good news! =)

Till further notice.

Estranged Beings cannot release any more chapters till further notice. I'm very sorry about tt. However, if we publish estrangedbeings into a book, will you be supportive & help promote it? Will you buy it? Pls share your views!

CHAPTER FOUR : OVERBOARD

It was the end of year examinations period for me during my Primary 2 year. My results were average and I was what the teachers would label ‘normal’. Not too bad and not too good. I always received a passing grade for my subjects and this was one of the times that man would get miffed by the fact that he did not have a chance to scold me. My results were given out by the form teacher and I was elated to know that I scored 2 A’s. I got full marks for both my English and Chinese language. Just then, the upsetting news came knocking on my door, the result for my Mathematics paper was saddening- 78/100. My teacher comforted me by saying that everyone did their best and my result was considered fairly well.

                                               

With a heavy heart, I dragged my feet home and again, I had the intention to run away from home. I even thought of committing suicide.

Before I could open my mouth to declare my results, the man walked up towards me and demanded to see the results slip. I was horrified at his gesture and I knew he had been waiting for this day to give me a good lashing and caning. With a rebellious stare, I passed the results slip to him and waited for the timely scolding to be showered on me.

“Full marks for English and Chinese. That’s not bad. I doubt you can score this for the rest of the papers; you are just so useless, not like our darling Julien. He is going to be a smart guy in the future, definitely smarter than you.” He retorted at me with the look of terror.

As he came upon my Mathematics paper, I sucked in my breath.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here? 78 marks! This is ridiculous! Have you been sleeping in class? Or have you been hiding in the toilet while the teacher is teaching?” he exclaimed, using his elbows to nudge my head.

“You should know what to get me now!” he continued, sneering.

I walked towards the place we hung the cane with my heads bowed down. I presumed that this would be a harsh punishment this time.

As I handed the cane over to him, he shouted over my head, “I will cane once for every mistake you made here! To make you remember it forever!”

I had twenty three questions wrong and so, I had to endure 23 slices of that piercing cane. As the cane sliced my skin for the tenth time, my mother walked into the room screaming for him to stop. He got so furious that he started to cane my mother too. Mummy made a grab for the cane and threw it at him. She carried me away and went to pack her luggage, dumping our clothes into it.

Without another word, she stormed out of the house in tears. Returning to Eunos Crescent was a joy for me. I got to enjoy my days with my grandparents and my uncles. My grandfather was the most precious gift to me from heaven and I adored him more than anyone else. He was not rich but he was very consistent in his work. His days were toiled away at his company that provides catering services. Day in and day out, he would drive a big huge lorry to deliver the buffet items to different companies for different events across the whole of Singapore. It was a tiring job but being the hardworking grandfather that I know, he strived really hard to make a living.

For the first few days, Mummy would follow me to school. All the way from Eunos Crescent to Hougang Ave 8 as my primary school was located there. It began to take toil on her after some time and she decided to teach me how to go to school by myself. Eventually, I became independent and knew how to stand on my own. I detested going to school as I would occasionally be bullied and humiliated. I was really petite and I dare not go against the bullies. I was called a “tomboy” due to my short hair and even when I take the bus, people would say: “Ah Boy ah, can you please move to the back?” I was more of a “di di” (brother) than a “mei mei”(sister)

My days were spent in merry, returning to Eunos Crescent, dumping my school bag aside and eating my lunch alone. I would finish my homework and than enjoy my favourite cartoons on ‘Cartoon Network’. I had nothing much to worry about and led a fuss-free life. Mummy eventually returned to the man’s side after a phone call whereby he tried to pacify her with sweet nothings, proclaiming that he missed her a lot and that days without her were full of gloom. He ordered my mother not to bring me along as I would be a nuisance, causing them to quarrel. He also claimed that I was the reason why their relationship would sour.

Smirking when I heard what Mummy told me, I thought that he just needed someone to do the housework for him.

I spent a year over at Eunos and loved every minute of it. Grandpa treated me really well and I went on trips to Genting with my uncles, grandparents and my uncle’s wife. Through the years, my big uncle remarried to a really nice woman by the name of Angeline. Though she was really an amazing wife, his unfaithful streak never seemed to leave him. In only a year time, he was ready for another divorce. As for my small uncle, Dunkan, his Indonesian wife had left him after they got married for only four months. She ran home, back to Indonesia when she found out that Dunkan, similar to his elder brother, was being unfaithful. She was heavily pregnant at that time, but her despair gave her the determination to leave him.

Dunkan was remorseful and he felt lonely. He wanted to win his wife’s heart back again and was really desperate. He had no money and due to that, had no ability to travel to the country his wife was residing in. In a bid to save his relationship, he got so desperate that he stole my grandparent’s bank card and took away all their savings, amounting to 20 thousand dollars. It was their hard-earned money. Grandma worked long hours as a helper at the coffee shop to earn that much money for herself. He took all the money, and without a word, left for Indonesia.

My grandparents were devastated and greatly furious. They were at the same time, worried about their son’s well-being. With each passing day, they got more and more anxious. News travelled like the wind and some of our relatives told my Grandma that Dunkan was seen in some parts of Thailand, in some rural areas.

With that small glimmer of hope, Grandpa bought the air-plane ticket for Grandma and she travelled there alone to look for him all alone. A woman in her mid-fifties, having to strike away the fear of solitary, just to see that her son was safe and sound in that remote country. I was still young at that time, and I did not know what was happening. But now that I know that was how my grandparents were treated, I felt really ashamed that they were treated so poorly. They worked so hard for their kids but none of them were grateful for it.

Eunos Crescent was like a secret haven to me. I did not have to fear for anything or anyone. There were complications all around and it was chaotic but my grandparents never allowed me to be affected by it. They wanted to let me enjoy the bliss of being a child, without any unnecessary worries. I yearned to stay there forever and never want to see that man ever again. Sadly, my hopes were left unfounded. In 1999, the man bought an apartment in Serangoon North and requested for me to move in together in his hope that we would be a happy family. The idea was revolting but do I have a choice? What exactly did he want from me? First, he wanted me out of his way. Now, he wanted me to be in his family? 

CHAPTER THREE : THE MAN OF TERROR.

I was playing with my Barbie dolls when my mother arrived at my nanny’s doorstep.

“Let’s go little one” she said to me with a bright, warm smile.

“Where are we going?” I asked, curious.

“We’re going to your new home” she replied.

At that moment, I was feeling a mixture of anxiety and happiness. I have always yearned for a home of my own. I envied my classmates who could return home happily everyday when I had to drag my feet back to my nanny’s home because my family members were not there. She was a responsible and caring nanny but I wanted to return to a home whereby I can share my day’s happenings with my parents.

I headed to the toilet before I left with my mother. As I stared at the cubicle, tears started to flow unknowingly. I was afraid, so afraid that there was a monster at the new home. Someone who would not treat me right, someone who would not treat me like a dear daughter. I was only six years old, but somehow I knew there was more to come for a petite little girl like me.

We took the bus and came upon Hougang Street 91, Block 910. Mummy pressed the lift button for the eighth storey while I was pondering about who I was going to meet. I knew that I would come face to face with my stepfather and learn how to live with him. Stepping into the five-room flat with modern dusk designs, I tried to look amazed that this was going to be my new home. The man with the look of terror was standing there with a smile welcoming me into his space. In my mother’s eyes, I was about to have a wonderful new father. In that man’s eyes, I was nothing but an intruder.

“Come on! Remember Mummy said must call people?” Mummy spoke with her broken English, nudging me in the ribs.

“Call what?” I questioned, looking at her with innocent eyes.

“Aiyo! Call Papa la! Than what? He is Mummy’s husband so you must call him Papa!” she responded, clearly irritated at my nonchalance.

“P…Pa..Pa” I managed with an odd smile.

It was weird to call another person Papa just like that. I had vague memories of my biological father, He did came to visit me when he was released from prison but he did nothing much to make me remember him as a fatherly figure in my life. I knew that I had to go along with the adults’ idea of accepting a new father as being just a Kindergarten 2 child, I had no other choice.

The man with the look of terror scrutinised me from top to toe. He commented that my hair was menacing to his eyes.

“I should give you a hair cut” he suggested with a laugh. “Come here!”

He motioned for me to follow him to the corridor outside my new home.

“Take off your shirt!” he growled.

I stared at him, shocked by his tone and did as I was told.

“You have to take off your shirt so that the hair won’t fall all over it” he explained.

Although I was still a little girl that is far from the puberty stage, I felt that it was wrong to take off my shirt in front of a man- even if he was my so called “Daddy” I was shaking as it was very cold at the corridor adding to the fact that I was topless.

He took out those ugly looking scissors and started for my fringe. My hair was straight and beautiful and its length was up till my hips. I adored my hair as I thought it made me look really feminine. With a violent snip, that man chopped off my beautiful long hair. My fringe became scattered and the feminine side of me vanished in an instant. Immediately, as I saw my straight locks falling to the floor, I started to bawl my eyes out.

“WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?” he boomed at me with a tone of immense terror.

Mummy came to my rescue and tried to cheer me up by telling me that I looked really neat and tidy. She even said that I could save the hassle of tying my hair when I head to school next year. It was just ridiculous to me on my part.

                                         

A few days later, I overheard that man speaking to my mum saying that he had always wanted a son of his own. Thus, that was the reason he snipped my hair away- so that I could be his little boy.

In my new home, I felt that I was suffocated severely. Every little action was scrutinised by that man. When I wanted to climb onto a chair to watch my favourite tv programme, he screamed at me not to climb, to be a little more lady-like. I did not understand the meaning of contradictions at that time but now I do. He wanted me to be his little “boy” and yet he wanted me to be more “lady-like”? If I could turn back the time now, I would have retorted back to him: “What is it that you want!” He seemed to enjoy finding faults with me.

I became so afraid of him that one day in school when I broke my water bottle strap by accident, I was shivering in the knees, out of fear. You know those kiddy water bottles that come with a strap so that you could hang it on your body for convenience? I had one of those and I adored them. My classmate was an obnoxious bully and he cut away my strap one day, while I was away for recess. I panicked when I knew that the strap was broken and I was very worried about what my punishment would be. I got so scared that I urinated in my pants. That man would surely threaten to hit me or do something bad to me. That was my stepfather, an ongoing nightmare.

On the school bus, I had a face of worry. My tears were on the brink of falling and I was worried sick. I even planned to run away from home. I was the last one on the bus and the guardian on board noticed that something was wrong.

“Dear, are you alright?” she asked, concerned.

I managed a weak smile and showed her my water bottle. I told her that my parents would reprimand me for making it spoilt. She comforted me by saying that my parents would not be so unreasonable, they would understand that I did not damage it on purpose. Using a rubber band, she tried to tie the strap together and sent me home.

Stepping into my house, I acknowledged my mother and got ready for dinner. Munching unhappily on the vegetables, Mummy approached me and questioned me regarding the water bottle. I tried to explain what happened but before I could finish, the man tried to interfere.

“You think you’re very clever? You spoilt your water bottle and tried to mend it with a rubber band, thinking that we would not notice? Who taught you to lie to us this way?” he smirked.

“B..But..I... i…was…” I stammered as he motioned for me to enter his bedroom.

He took out the cane and started lashing at me without a word. Tears came pouring down my face as my mother stood there watching this heartbreaking scene. I thought that the look of my face could tell her that I needed her to come to my rescue. I needed her to rescue me from this monster.

After the brutal caning, I returned to my room to cry in misery. I was so scared that once again; I urinated by the side of my bed. Helpless, I cleaned up the pool of urine by myself. My room, it was an empty space with no furniture at all. It was just a store room for my step-brother’s toys. He was not even in this world and yet he already had a whole room of toys all to himself. All that could be found in the room was a piece of very thin mattress, only about 10cm. Sleeping on it was very tedious as my bones were knocking the floor every now and than. Sleeping to me was not a pleasurable activity and I hated it so much just thinking about the aches it gives me every night.

24^th August 1995 was the day my step brother, Julien, was born into this world. He was everything to that man. He was his precious little boy, the apple of his eyes. Whenever Julien starts to cry or kick up a fuss, the blame will be put on me. I would always be the one who did not take good care of him, was not a good sister or I would be the one who did not want to share my things with him. I used to hate him to the core at that moment in time but we were still very young than and hatred was the only emotion I could feel at that moment. I could only hate, I felt no love for anyone, just drowned in animosity senselessly daily.